This one was long pending not coz I was busy or dint have the zeal to write but simple problem of not having a habit. Strange that creating a habit is so hard, but once done, it will last for long. And then breaking from a habit is even harder, no matter how much you try, you fall back into the same old things. Anyways, as long as you are aware of such habits and are thinking about it, you will keep trying to get there. It is ok if it takes yrs, it is not a race :)
With that totally unrelated context, here we go. Some movies or stories are so simple but yet leave such an impact that they make you think differently. You might not do anything about it most times but it will make you see a different perspective. I saw a movie called 'Laapata Ladies' which actually gave me a very different thought than what most people who saw the movie might have gotten out of it. I almost left writing about it but another movie 'Tarla' made me revisit it.
So, talking about Tarla Dalal, a housewife who wanted to do 'kuch' out of her life managed to teach cooking to millions of people and help them get things done. "How does learning cooking help get things done?" you might ask? Simple, in India, women not knowing how to cook well is like men not being able to earn or even worse. It is still true to a certain level (super 'successful' women might be an exception, but I doubt it) but in the 90s it was the most important thing. You are looked down on, almost discarded from everything, and are considered not contributing to the family. By learning to cook well, women were able to convince their families about being good mother/daughter-in-law/wife and were allowed to do things that they liked. It is like bribing to get permission to follow something they like (for example being a journalist, continuing dance, working, etc).
And this taking 'permission' is what made me think about 'Laapataa Ladies' again. Ok, too much of context setting, lets get into the movie first and then my perspective (for the millions of people reading this blog might be bored 'F**k, get to the fuckin point!!!').
The movie is about 2 married couples (almost a decade ago when landlines were the main way of communication and very few mobiles were there) traveling back to the groom's village on a train with many newly wedded couples. In a hurry to get down, the main character Deepak grabs someone else's bride Pushpa (thanks to the ghoonghat 'vale' covering her face) and reaches his house to realize it is not his wife. His wife Phook Kumari wakes up later only to realize she is lost.
Phool has never traveled outside her area and hardly knows things about her husband. She knows his village is named after a flower, that's it, no contact info and idea how to get there. She does not want to go back to her village as she is scared people might think she was sent back from her in-law's place and her family will get insulted. She finds a tea shop owner in the station who is a true feminist and helps her for a few days.
Deepak badly wants to find Phool but does not want to tell her family about losing her which will create a big conflict. Instead, he reaches out to the police for help who take him on a ride.
Pushpa who seems to be acting dumb gives a phone number of her village which doesn't work. While they are searching for her village or groom, she is busy going to the nearest town and taking care of a few things.
I would leave the rest of the story for you to watch. It is well represented and shows a good difference in perspectives between different people about a woman's role in society. Well-made simple, sweet, and funny movie.
I just wanted to highlight a few things and look at a different perspective about women in rural India.
- When Deepak gives a police complaint, he gives a picture of Phool in her 'ghoonghat', the face is not seen in any of the pics he has. Such is a situation in many households where the women are not supposed to show their faces, they are hidden from the rest of the men. There is a scene where a Muslim shopkeeper was shocked that Deepak does not have a pic with a face and his wife in a 'bhurka' serves him tea. Just shows it is not restricted to one community. It has changed a lot in some places and worsened in few.
- Pushpa was not allowed to study more as it is seen as 'ladki haat see nikal jaayegi'. She has a passion for agriculture and wants to learn organic farming but has no way to do it as her mom threatens to commit suicide if she doesn't get married. It is all about how the society will judge their family. A lot of people still think like this but is changing fast, there are more women completing 10th than men in India
- The tea shop owner talks about something so important. Women don't realize how they are contributing to the household and men will not talk about it. This made me think about my village. Almost all women in my village go to work on the farms, it could be on their own farms or as an 'coolie' daily wage workers for others, they earn their money and help the family. Thanks to alcohol and other addictions, many men do not provide for their families and it is the women who run. This is true in urban cities also. It is the women who take care of everything, dream of a better life and work relentlessly to get there. So, what is stopping them from going out there and showing their presence? It is 'maryada', it is about 'what will the society think, how can I tell my hubby is useless?'. Somewhere we need to think about the need for society, It should be to support when needed rather than to judge when things are not 'right'.
So, this is my perspective on this topic. Rural women do way more than anyone in the cities (especially men in the cities), even with all their restrictions, lack of support, and constant demotivation. They are much more independent than we think. Yes, they might not know their husband's village name but they go out in the dark for toilets, to work in farms, have their small businesses, they fend from predators (men can be assholes and even though judiciary rules are there, the society rules are against women), they fight for their kids future, are bold enough to travel and survive in an unknown place, make a living out of it. Im sure you might think I am going a bit too far with 'Rural women do way more than anyone in the cities' but I genuinely feel that is true. I have seen many women and men who do not take public transport or travel late, considering it unsafe. Many urban women quit work after some time for various reasons causing a huge loss of knowledge and workforce. I have seen rural women travel from villages and go back daily. It is just the lack of experience and not fear that is holding them back. With the right awareness and guidance, there is so much more they can offer and I am truly excited about the revolution the rural women can bring to our society. I am not putting down urban women or anyone else here, I am just looking at the potential we have in rural India.
Yes, the movie did not make me feel bad for our rural women, it made me look forward to what they will achieve. Yes, they will achieve, I can bet on it!
PS: I dint know what the title should be. I called it 'La-pata' with the hope that we would go in search of such ladies to learn from them.
