Company!

 This is something I have craved all the time. I have always managed to surround myself with people. Didn't matter who it was, if I get along or not (i normally get along with most people), where I am, etc. I always needed people to be around. Personal trips were always with family or friends, I have visited some completely random functions, events, etc with people who were not even close. I thot traveling in a group is fun and you have someone to talk to.

I later realized that I dint want to be alone. Looking back, I have always stayed with someone I know. I could be done distant relative, a friend's friend, a colleague, etc. Obviously, I would become really comfy with ppl and many have become really good friends. What I did not think was somewhere I was avoiding staying alone. On most of my trips from work, I knew people in the client location and I used to hang out. Australia was the only exception where I knew no one in the client but I managed to find my ex-colleague in that city and I found an apmt near his house. Obviously, food played a very important part in these decisions but it was also the fear of loneliness.

The one time I was alone in Stoke on Trent for 6 weeks I almost went mad. I dint take bath, groomed myself, or stepped out for 3 weeks. I think I didn't move from the couch other than the bathroom or food-related steps for 1 week. I was a disaster when a neighbor whose hubby was working for my client saw me like a homeless person, she sent food for a week.

Even now when I travel, I have ppl around or at the destination. I have my schedule planned to hang out.

So when this Xmas party started, I had my boss traveling with me. It was our idea to go around from Bangalore to Hyderabad and attend a close colleague's wedding in Rajahmundry. Then meet ppl in Delhi and meet a colleague's family who helped one of our onsite leaders' family in Punjab to thank them. The Punjab plan was canceled due to a hectic route. Thanks to this I added a 2-days 1 night trip to Rishikesh.

Come Wednesday evening my boss fell very ill and pulled out of the tour. I was a real mess as I was not very excited in the first place and this tour was to catch up with him. I could not cancel as we had already booked everything and the employees were waiting for us. So,  reluctantly I started the trip alone.

I reached hyd, checked in, and got to work. I called my Good friend for lunch and spent a couple of hrs. Then the office party went on too late. So I basically ended up like before with people, nothing solo.

The next day flew to Rajahmundry for the wedding. I heard another colleague was already there and I spoke to him for local details. Spent 3 hrs in the wedding hall but was chatting with friends online or calling home or working. Then came to the airport. So basically was with people.

I reached Delhi and wanted to explore. I did ask my colleagues if anyone wants to join me but dint get answers. after landing, I put my bags in the hotel and Late evening I went to explore old Delhi. The Jama masjid area was crowded like Shivajinagar on steroids. All senses were overloaded. Came back and chatted with friends and family.

The next day from morning 7 to 6pm I was out on my own. I liked wandering, eating, shop, etc. I was super occupied which meant I don't have to be alone. The evening in Delhi was great fun. Everyone was drinking and dancing. One more day filled with schedules and people.

I took the late bus to Rishikesh and reached it at 5 am. For the first time in a long, I felt I'm doing something solo. And proper traveler way with the shared hostel, shared auto, no plan, etc. I reached the hostel and had to wait for 5 hrs to check in, what do I do, immediately book an activity to utilize the time. Then I meet a few ppl whom I befriended and roamed around or had food with. One girl was accompanied for a walk and dinner, a group was around to watch the world cup finals, and there were a few hrs of alone time exploring the town. It dint feel like an alone thing.

So the last day I decided to travel alone and try to be solo for once. So woke up and went to Ganga ghats to take the peace in. I did try calling people so it was not all alone. Came back, took bath, and headed out to Vashishta gufa. I got there just to find that I'm the first visitor and the small cave has few mats to sit and meditate. I unzipped my coat, and placed my phone on silent causing some noise for the meditating priest. Tried my best to focus but had nothing. It was so distracted that I couldn't even sit for 5 mins. I got out on the river banks for a stroll.

The place was so beautiful, I was mesmerized. I had to call people to show it it was and ended up calling a few. Genuinely to show them the place than escaping being alone. After the calls/ missed calls, I wandered around to take some pics. It was beautiful. For and the first time I felt I was alone with my thoughts. And I wanted to explore that feeling. It was difficult as all I was thinking was about people. The same old what if or conflicts or dreams or future. Not a single minute of peace.

As per my schedule, I had 30 mins before I had to leave and decided I have to meditate. I removed my jacket, and shoes sat on a rock right next to the water, and got to it. In a minute I was up. I just could not sit still. With all the distractions, I felt annoyed and restless. I hated myself for that. How can I not be with myself, why do I need others or thoughts? I was demoralized and sad. Felt that I will never be comfortable with myself, and I can't face that thought.

I dint want to give up so thought of trying once more. I wandered for a few mins and sat again even if the schedule said I should leave. This time to reduce distraction I chanted OM as loud as I could, there was no one around to hear me. I wanted to stay still for 2 mins even if I have many thoughts. Just 2 mins of sitting which felt impossible. The first few secs were difficult with thoughts and wandering. And then many others came, the only different thing was that I didn't follow the thoughts. They kept coming and going. I just concentrated on the chant. I was lost for a few mins and don't remember any of the thoughts. Finally, I felt I had achieved my 2 mins of stillness and opened my eyes. The scene looked very different. It was almost monochrome with s tinge of blue, almost grey with a shade of blue. Like ash. Not kidding, it was like that all around including the water and trees. For a sec I was worried that the world had changed color. Then rationale kicked in and I realized that I was eyes closed for some time causing this. When I checked to time, It was confirmed, I was off for 20 mins. Seriously 20 mins when the target was 2 mins. The feeling was different and satisfying(not achieving the time but the actual experience), I don't know what it was but kinda empty calm, and still. Like it was just me and no one else. I was not over the moon or happy or sad or glad or anything, I was just still.

It lasted a while and I had to leave, couldn't wait for this feeling to go away. So quickly thanked mother Ganga for everything and this special experience. Prayed for my loved ones with some water in my hand and poured it back in the river. Then prayed to lord shiva for his blessings and care. Got back in my jacket shoes and headed back. In my way back,  I had thoughts but that feeling was decent to move them away.

I had a good chat, and veggie juice returned the bike and got to the hostel. Spoke to the strangers for a few mins. They were getting ready for lunch but I was running late. So did my goodbyes and headed back.

Today was different. I did a conscious decision to be alone, I wanted to spend time with myself, I tried to let my thoughts pass. And yes, I managed to do it for 20 mins. Yes, that's very short but it is a start. I guess I meditate today which is a big deal. I hope I can continue that for a long and be able to be still. After all I'm good company

PS: I might have slept off all 20 mins, who knows. The only thing was that I was chanting at the start and end :D

Misconception!

 Imagine the investors from a private equity group visiting you. The boss is responsible for a large portfolio worth $30bn in the services industry😈. From Vietnam and moved to Swiss as a kid, studied mechanicals, worked in mechanicals, moved to equity as a complete novice, and worked his way to a portfolio head. The general notion is that a cocky, cutthroat, money-driven, showing-off, asshole who doesn't care. Not that bad but I definitely thought they will be very judging and arm's length away. 😈 I was not sure what to expect from the investing board member's visit to India.

What actually happened was completely different. 3 young fresh looking guys walked in with genuine smiles. They looked 30 kinds, especially the big boss, and later found that he is 47.🤪 They were chatty, asking so many questions, keenly listening, and making notes. Not once confronting or disinterested. They shared stories and listened to us. Ate everything we offered and happily enjoyed it🙏. And at the same time very clever questions to highlight things we need to focus on. They remembered everything we said and brought it up in other conversations just to show they heard us and influence our thoughts😅.

They were unlike other investors who don't get involved with employees and only deal with the board. These guys operate differently, unlike other firms. Normal ones give a 100-day plan to start with and then 6 months and so on. They have quarterly reviews to check progress. These guys deep dive into the company and compare reality to what was sold. In parallel, they also do workshops with leadership to brainstorm ideas. Then they give leadership time to reflect on the ideas and choose the ones to implement. Then help the leaders to progress and review monthly to see if anything needs to change. A supervisory board is created to work with the actual board🙏. They have specialist super people in there like CTOs, CEOs, etc from other companies to assist in specific areas. We have a CTO for tech, CEO for sales, and CPO for operation. A very partnership approach to working together.🤗

I was so impressed with how they gelled with all and absolutely made it easy for us. They were personable, jovial, curious, and paid full attention to detail. The boss was incredible. I'm a fan. He gave some simple insights on how he runs his team and what works better. He works a lot but is fully empathetic to his team. He has empowered them well to decide😈. Felt like a super-efficient team and really want to be with them. And the way they ate everything we offered was impressive. Not many can do a banana leaf South Indian meal and they were all over it and finished it with their hands 🤪

Overall a really good couple of days. It was not tense and I learned a lot I can do quickly to bring in efficiency.🤪 One biggest learning was how to look at numbers and partner with teams instead of just reporting later. I think they liked me too, I was efficient, jovial, knew my shit well, confident, helpful, etc🤪. Really good experience. And yes, help clear any misconception about investors😅. Most of them are as human as others, ashte🤷‍♂️ But these guys were better in many aspects, they connected, they learned our ways of working, they inspired!!!

Meshtru!

 Meshtru, teacher, TBH I haven't had great regard for most of my teachers in school or college. For me, teaching is more than just going through subjects and helping me get better at it. It is about grooming a kid to become a better person. Like making them confident, listening, guiding them about what is right/wrong, and being there during tough times, especially for below-average kids. What happened in my student days was the complete opposite. The below-average kids were looked down on, their confidence was shattered by harsh words and almost encouraged to do stupid things. Even though I was decent at studying (but super lazy to read), I did not find any teacher who could make me curious about the subject. 

Stella gang keep telling me how good some of them were but I have no memories of them, so cant consider them to be good or bad. Middle primary was a nightmare. I came from a 'convent' with better English than my teachers I guess and you know how such kids are treated. Like Posh :( Soon I became a local with proper Kannada slang and that was the end of my decent English. I did not have anyone to guide me about books or novels, our librarian was dumb when it came to the knowledge of books and we hardly had any books available. All we ended up was tinkle with suppandi :D

Then high-school happened where the teachers were really bad. They had no idea about the subject and all they wanted us to do was mug up things and vomit on the answer paper. And I was really bad at that. My brain thought in Math, I needed logic, understanding of things, and breaking things down and none of it was available. A small exception was Kannada in 10th Std which made Hale-gannada interesting to me. It had chandassu which had a pattern of writing, yes it had rules and logic like math👍. 

PU in Seshadripuram was decent TBH. The teachers were very knowledgeable and had over 30 yrs of experience. But there was a prob, the class has over 100 students and most of them were in tuition and did not care for the college teaching. The teachers knew it and did not dig deep into any subject. To be fair to them, they did not have the time to complete everything. They did try for the regular students who could not afford tuition. Yes, shady's had a big part-time working students community as it was a morning college. 

Engerrining was a joke. We had very few lecturers thanks to the govt college scene and no idea about what to read. We were given a xeroxed sheet of syllabus and some nerd used to find 80% of it across 10 books and not share it with us lazy bums. I don't know how I read and managed to do well :)

But during this entire period, there was one teacher who stood out. And stood out like a sun in a very gloomy experience I had. And the best part was that he was not supposed to be my teacher and I have not paid a dime for his teaching. He was my neighbor in Mysore (my maternal grandparent's house where I was born) and was one of the most renowned teachers in Mysore, Mr Gopalakrishna. He was Math and Physics teacher in Marimallapas which is the most renowned school/college in Karnataka with so many rank holders. He has written textbooks and was on the board to set the syllabus. I have always called him uncle and not sir.

Most of my school vacations were in Mysore with my cousins. Uncle had 2 kids, Son was almost the age as my oldest cousin and the daughter was 4 yrs older than me and the same age as 2 of my closest cousins. Most days we would spend time in uncle's house playing together. I have written about the kavade game followed by bacchidodu/kai masiyodu. My dominance of the game monopoly (or business as it was locally called) started there. We also tried chess, but carrom was the most famous. They also had a decent garden space for cricket, kallu mannu, tree climbing, etc. Uncle is from a strict brahmin community and is a pure vegetarian. They knew we ate meat but we never discussed it, like ever. Aunty cooked some of the best bhramin food like puliogre, vangi bath, bisi bele bath, mysore pak, etc, and insisted we eat (now you know why we spent most time there). And in most games, uncle used to play with us. He was good in carrom and was a great sport. Not once did he come across as a super senior lecturer to me, he was just uncle. 

For some reason, he did not like tuition and wanted to teach kids in school/college itself. He used to make exceptions for 2-3 kids at home if they are known to him personally or were lacking behind or could not afford school. When the teaching community was making millions (im not kidding, some of them earnt 50 time their salary😱) in the 90s, uncle was super happy with his salary. I could see the fear in his student's face, they were petrified by his presence as he was strict when it came to teaching and did not take any slack. We used to stay away from that room.

When 10th std came, I decided I do not want any tuition, I hated them and was confident ill be able to do well. I was more interested in cricket and watching basketball. Dad was cool about it, mom did not get a say and I was living a lazy life. During dasara vacations, I went to Mysore as usual for almost 20 days. Dad came up with the idea to ask uncle to help me with my math and he agreed. I did not have any reasons to get out of it (all I did in Mysore was sleep 15 hrs, play 4 hrs, eat 3 hrs and roam around). So I was on a crash course and uncle said he will try to cover as much as we can. 

But you know what, I aced it. My math was super good and we cruised through everything real quick. I think I had a couple of days in the end to revise and uncle was surprised at how good I was. He knew I was decent but not that fast in math. While I was in the dreaded room there were few other students who taught. I remember there was this one guy who just did not get it and used to get smacked. Not for his dumbness but for not being attentive. One day I couldn't stop and giggled when he was being disciplined and I got a smack on my head, the only time uncle hit me :) When the vacations were over, he gifted me a question back to work out. I was so confident that ill get 100 in math that dint bothers reading much. On exam day, I panicked and did really badly. I got 68 I think, my worst math score (all 9th and 10th tests I had out of out). I was so mad at myself, I stopped studying for rest of the exams and 1st PU also. Math was my heart and I had lost it. I somehow picked myself up in 2nd PU and knocked it out of the park ;) I did talk to uncle during Dasara vacation and he said I know it well and he has not much to teach :D

My visits to Mysore were reduced from Engg but whenever I was there I made sure I spent time at his house. His daughter who is very close to us got married and relocated to the US, But still, I had it in my routine to go talk to uncle and aunty and it remains the same even now. Food made by aunty is a added incentive ;) 

After retirement, he did try his stint in tuition and made a big name for himself. He also earned well to refurbish his house but in a few yrs he just felt wrong about it. He and his like-minded lecturer friends opened a PU college to teach students. The biggest rule in the college was no one could attend external tutuion and the teachers made sure they taught well. After running it for few years, he retired in his late 70s (standing and talking for hrs every day for 5 decades can take a toll). They still have loads of plants and uncle spends his time with the plants and taking care of the house chores supporting aunty.

What makes uncle is his simplicity and the respect he gets from everyone. He had a luna (with the long seat) for decades and lived a super simple life. He is jovial and always has a nice smile on his face. The impact he has had on his students is wonderful. So many times when we were walking on a busy street in Mysore, his ex-students used to come to talk to him and thank him for his influence. I dont think there can be any better recognition for a teacher than a successful student and I'm sure most of his students are super successful. Today when the teaching world is money minded, he taught us how teaching could be changed by making it better in college and excluding tuition. His college is still running well and is a model others can follow. Still keeps me grounded and I try to influence students for a better future. 

The reason I am writing this blog is sad. Uncle had heart failure last week and was in critical condition. With his daughter in US and son in another town, there was less support. Strange how someone who has supported thousands of kids does not have any to take care. Luckily he is recovering and his daughter and son are back to take care. He might have to go through open heart surgery but might not be viable given he is 84 now. I was supposed to visit but will do it later. I am trying to get a few doctors 2nd opinions in Bangalore. I will visit during the operation and donate blood to him. He has given me such incredible guidance and been a role model to me, a bottle of blood is the least I can do. 

I just hope and pray for his recovery, the world needs many more teachers like uncle. And yes, he is called 'Meshtru' with great respect in my family, he is a teacher every student needs!

Art & Crafts!

 I have never been artistic in my life and appreciate what it takes to be artistic. It was more of a chore than an interest in school which is reflected in all my so-called artwork. It was bad, mundane, and painfully mediocre.

So much so that I never thought of art as a part of my life for long. In recent times I have started to appreciate others and wish I could do something similar. Trust me it is a great start given where I was (thinking it is an absolute waste of time).

Yesterday was one such time when I was in awe of an artist. He is my boss S, one of the most creative minds I have ever met. Restless most times and frustrated that the rest of the world is not keeping up with his pace. He is a go-getter, a kick-ass salesman, and an awesome business consultant. One thing I had never related to him was art but the last few yrs have changed that mindset.

He is crazy about the Dasara gombe setup (a ritual where dolls are put up for display during the Dasara festival) and has taken it to the next level. He thinks of a theme for his Dasara which is different every year and designs the entire story around it. It is not just a display but complete end-to-end storytelling of our history :)

This year's story was Ramayana with Ayodhya as the centerpiece. He has taken the effort to start with the ancient scripture that defines Ayodhya and painted a picture of the journey.

• It starts with Ravana lifting Kailasa to show his strength and get Lord Shiva's blessing. The 10-headed Ravana had to be custom-made and shipped. He managed to give a 60 yr old movie scene to the artist to replicate NTR's face. Each face had different features which would the attention to detail.
• The gods pray to Vishnu to save them and Dasharatha Maharaj does a homa to get the blessed with children. He is given a payasam which he shares with his 3 queens and is blessed with 4 boys. The boys are trained by Rishi Valmiki in a gurukul. The elegance of the queens and the poise of the boys in gurukul were super.
• Janaka Maharaj finds Sita (I did not know Sita means Plough/negilu) in a field that has a cow with a plow for detailing.
• Sita swayamvar was so clearly shown. There was a small cart to push the Shiva Dhanush to depict that it was very heavy and could only be handled by Sita and the Groom had to be equally strong🙂
• The marriage happens and they are soon exiled to vanavasa. The pain ok Dasharatha's face is clear and the humble stance of Rama shows his respect
• The bullock cart shows all the stuff that Rama, Sita, and Laxmana leave behind.
• The scene where Bharatha takes Rama's paduka to rule was beautiful. It showed respect for each other on the face
• The next scene of the golden deer with Sita almost ordering to hunt was clear
• Next was the scene of Vali fighting Sugreeva and Rama slyly killing him from hiding (Vali had a boon to get half the strength of the opponent, so had to be killed from hiding). Rama's posture showed the slyness and discomfort of this act clearly.
• Next was Hanuman looking to present Rama's ring to Sita in Lanka before the Lanka Dahan. The expression of the demons who guarded Sita was incredible, for me the best piece of the lot.
• The last scene was Ram offering prayers to shiva in Rameshwaram and building Ram Sethu to cross the ocean and reach Lanka. Ending with Rama's fight with Ravana and winning.
• This then moved to the crowning of Rama as the King with his family and friends around him
• All this story shows the significance of Ayodhya in Hinduism and then shows a real-life replica of the temple being built. He has taken a miniature of the temple and got a scaled version done by looking at multiple videos. The attention to detail in a number of pillars, levels, and structures was crazy.
• There were a few other setups like the Thirupathi Bhramostava or Vadirajaru with his book talking depicting the key places in India.
• He had also added European cities in the mix to tell his travel stories with a big toy train.

What makes me wonder is the time that is spent thinking of the entire story, imagining all the small details, and then working with different artists to bring it to life. S has managed to bring uniqueness to every doll which fits beautifully in the story. Not one doll has the same expression, they are actually living that moment. He then created each scene manually to depict the exact thought process with painstaking detail (trees, animals, jewels, water bodies, etc). And all this has been done while working 14 hrs a day. I don't know when he manages to rest or sleep.

Looking at the scale and the detail, I was so impressed with what is possible if you can put your mind to it. He was like a kid explaining the whole journey to everyone who visits his house to have a look.

I guess art can have that effect on you, you lose track of time and get immersed in the creation. 

My respect for artists shot through the roof😄 I wish I could bring in such energy on something creative🙂I hope I get immersed in creating something I love🙂 

Homes!

 I wanted to write something different as I have been away for so long, but I just reached the office and took out the phone when Google reminded me of the below pic 5 yrs back and every thought vanished.

What is special about this pic? This is Albert docks in Liverpool and my view from home for over 6 yrs. It was my office for 2 yrs and probably the best office I have worked in. And this pic was taken on the day I was moving out of Liverpool just a couple of weeks before I permanently moved to India.

I have always been a Bangalore boy and was very proud of my life here. So much so that I was adamant not to get a passport until 2005 as I did not want to go onsite. I was happy roaming around in India and said no to any onsite opportunity that came by until 2005. I might have settled in the US if I had not been so adamant about it, sigh!!! Little did I know that I will change my nationality in 12 years and become a Brit (I was such a freedom fighter kind, I can't believe I would be a Brit, that is what an open my mind can do).

Eventually, I convinced myself to visit the US in 2005 and got my passport and Visa done. The travel was canceled 1 day before I fly out :)) Story of me and the US😄

After that, I traveled a lot mainly to different cities in UK and Sydney but never felt at home. I had an urge to return and be with family and friends. Even after getting married when we moved to UK, I was so unsettled and wanted to come back. So much so that I and my Mumbai friend (we used to share a house with his family) used to crib every day and he eventually could not handle it and returned to India (another story that he came back after 2 yrs and is settled in UK).

The first time I visited Liverpool it was different, something about the place felt nice. And I had my best friend as my manager and flatmate. The client team was hostile, there were some insane stories about how bad they were (later realised the fault was on our end). I was in my element and turned it around so much that they were in tears when I was returning.

I worked my ass off for 6 months 15-18hrs a day but never felt any stress. I was cool and had a great time with the people around me. After almost a year of being in Liverpool, the miracle of my life happened, kiddo was born. The bond with Liverpool changed overnight, it was HOME❤️

I finally felt settled and fell in love with the city. The people were great, no filter, they liked you or hated you, nothing in between. They cared they fought they mattered. They had time for a chat or an ear to listen. I have had so many incredible memories and such affection for almost every street there.

That place from where I took the above pic had the highest memories. Kiddo used to walk/fall as a toddler on the cobbled street. His first cycle ride was on the same spot which was super to watch. I have spent hrs looking at the kayaks/rowing on the river, the walks with wifey and kid on the river bank, the high street shops, the small places where we sat while kiddo used to run around bumping into people (not once anyone felt bad about it such caring people), the coffee shops, the restaurants, the night out pub hopping, the early morning runs, the movies, the street vendors, so many things. And when I had to leave, it felt like I was leaving home. The family was already back and I was leaving for good. I remember sitting there just after taking this pic and crying. Like proper tears in my eyes but not heavy sobbing😞 It was one of the most emotional days for me (which is very unlike me).

I have visited/lived in Liverpool few times and stayed for over 2 weeks since then and relived some of the memories. But the feeling was different, I did not miss it as much as I was on that day. Initially, I felt the connection with the city is gone but I realized it was not about the city. It was about the people. I found new people, new streets, new restaurants, new hangouts, new gangs, and home was created! Home is where your loved ones are and how you connect. Lucky for me, I have always connected with people and lived fully.

I cant believe it has been 5 yrs since then. I was happy that Liverpool happened, it not only gave me home but opened my mind that other cities can also be home as long as you find the connection 🙂 Liverpool holds a very special place in my heart and will continue to be my second home. That is where I found joy and probably some of the best days of my life thanks to the Kiddo!!!

Cheers to finding more homes!!!

PS: weird that most of my memories are from the outdoors. Probably because I grew up outdoors and hardly remember sitting at home watching TV/playing games/etc. I have always related to open spaces than enclosed areas. 

I Know!!!

 "I know" is such a powerful word isn't it, it shows confidence, knowledge, pride, etc like there is nothing else to improve on. What we do not realize is that there could be a better version of the truth or a different viewpoint which will make you think and reconsider your knowledge.

I want to talk about what I learned after listening to one such podcast called the Trojan Horse Affair. For anyone who is not aware of this, look it up. This incident changed a lot of things in UK education system and also the laws for extremism. It all started with a letter that surfaced in UK talking about how schools have been taken over by certain religious groups (no points for guessing) and radicalizing them using a formula. 2 journalists (Brian from NY times, Hamza a Pakistani Muslim doctor brought up in Birmingham who wanted to become an investigative journalist) dug deep into the story to find what actually happened and made a podcast out of it.

I do not want to go through the entire series as it is best to hear the podcasts. There were a few highlights that I thought were important.

When I heard about the letter, my initial thought was "this could happen". Even though I am considerate to all religions and look at people as individuals than a group, there is an underlying preconceived notion I guess which made me think so. And many world events have influenced our thinking as we have seen what extremism can do. What I failed to look at is facts and then conclude if there was truth in that or not. We do not think much about such bias as it does not impact us a lot. 

The first thing that they discovered was that no one cared about who wrote the letter. The source did not matter and they only focussed on the content. Without knowing the source, you cannot know the intentions behind the act which is very important to understand if the content was true or biased. I have always said to take feedback by looking at what is said than who it comes from (dosnt matter if it is from a CEO or a chaprasi). But many times, you need to see who is telling it to understand the emotions and intention behind it to get the whole picture. The authorities had sidelined the source and went on a witch hunt to take down the ones mentioned in the letter and fire many teachers and make huge changes in the system.

There is one incident when both Brian and Hamza go to interview someone and were threatened to call the police on them. Brian did not understand as they were not doing anything wrong and why someone had criminalized them without even listening to them. Hamza jokingly said 'welcome to my world. Being Muslims, we are criminalized irrespective of who we are and what we think'. The initial reaction 'they could have done it' which is so unfair. Imagine living a life where many already have such bad notions about you.

Almost everyone knew the letter was a hoax but they did not care much and went ahead with the content. So much so, it became a huge issue in the parliament and everyone jumped in to make it as political as possible. Not once did they think of the people it might impact and fuel the huge problem of phobia. It went on to be a total bashing and many people got fired and impacted for life. Being considerate is very important. especially when they are already being beaten up for someone else's fault.

There was no conclusion on who wrote the letter and the consequences. But it did give a good idea of who actually gained from the letter. It helped cover up a different fraud situation in one of the schools. What seemed like a get-out-of-issue letter ended up creating such a major problem for a country. I don't think they realized it could have made such a big problem, if known, they might have written it in the first place. Small things have big impact in the wrong hands.

The biggest thing that came out of the series is how difficult being a journalist is. Hamza was so passionate about the story and is personally involved given he is from the same community. He gets carried away and writes letters requesting info with personal thoughts and it end ups killing a few strong witness prospects. A true journalist asks for right questions and reviews all options without judging. It is very difficult to leave your personal opinion aside and actually work on all possible options. You just can't pass judgment and leave it to the readers to arrive at their conclusion. Even when you know what is right, you have to be open to other perspectives. And most times it does not end as you expect, you have to accept the fact and carry on. In this case, they could not find the details with facts and bring the culprit to justice. It was left with the hope of changing people's perspectives.

Thinking about it, it is true for everyone isn't it? Leave your ideologies out and look at the facts. The whole thing about 'I know' has to change just to look at other possibilities. There are loads of things that have made us think the way we do and is not easy to leave our opinions out. So much so that we cling on to your opinions in this ever-changing world. A close friend once said 'The world has been too absolute. People pride themselves in holding strong opinions, we should pride ourselves when we change our mind about something we care about'. A lot to ponder over!!!

The less rigid your personality, the more powerful your presence - Sadhguru

Ab(e)le

There are a few stories that are not just for entertainment but also for some soul cleansing and thinking too. I have always believed that the funniest people or stories are the most emotional and come with great learning. I have been watching one such coming-of-age series called Mrs. Maisel. For anyone who does not know who it is, please spend 1000 bucks to get amazon prime and watch it. Trust me, you will not regret it.

The first thing you notice about Mrs. Maisel is her sense of humor, calm nature and obviously her looks, the 1st episode does a lot of justice to it :D But I am not going to talk about her today. I have always been a fan of transformation which shows progress and a way forward or someone quirky who stands out in the crowd. Let it be Tyrion Lannister who went from a drunk whore mongering piece of useless shit to one of the most trustworthy emotional strategic thinkers in GOT. Or it could be Phoebe, who was as quirky as it gets with her stories, songs, ways of thinking/running/living, philosophies, etc, she has inspired an entire generation to embrace themself and enjoy life.

So I am starting this series writeup with Abe, Mrs. Maisel's father, a very strange choice. When I started watching, he was the one I just did not like. He was too stuck in his ways of living from what he eats, to what he reads to the way he talks to people. Imagine a Math lecturer who has his own ways of working, is quirky, strict (biased toward a few students and treats others like shit), and easily irritable prick. A total MSP who wanted his daughter to wear good clothes/makeup to impress the son-in-law who has left her for his secretary. Instead of being angry and supporting his daughter, he tries to work with her father-in-law to fund a house for his useless SIL to return. He was so insensitive to his family, he refused to get an additional TV for the kids as he is not a 2 TV kinda guy (I don't even know what that means). He would fight with many and be a pain for those who work for him.

One of his worse traits was to take people around him for granted. Rose (his wife) has dedicated her life to taking care of the kids and her hubby. No one actually cared for her thoughts and was taken for granted. She is heartbroken when she gets to know that her daughter Midge did not agree to get back to her husband and did not discuss it with Rose. she decided to leave for Paris as she is no longer required. I think Abe had a selective hearing or ignored her completely. So much so, that when Rose says "no one cares for me and I am not needed so I'm booking a ticket to Paris, I have made lamb for dinner", all he heard was the lamb and said 'Lamb is fine!!!'.

When he found out that his wife had left him, he was furious and kind of blames her for it. And when he hears that his maid, Zelda knew about it, he questions her loyalty. "Zelda, we should have a talk about your loyalty, you should be loyal to who signs the cheques than whom you actually like, that is how American loyalty works". It shows how insensitive he could be of a situation.

Abe and Midge travel to Paris to get Rose back. As usual, Abe is a prick who is irritated with the dirty room or does not know French, etc. He would just not understand his wife wanting to live life the way she wants and live in the moment. One of the best lines Rose says is "Stay in the moment, you are in Paris, look around and take it in. Stay in the moment" which resonated with how frustrated she was and wanted to make up for the lost time. 

One of the best scenes: Midge to mom - I have missed you, mama. Rose replies: I missed me too :D

Abe is adamant to stay in Paris until he convinces Rose to return. I was kinda surprised and thought he will make her life miserable. But to my surprise, he completely embraces living in Paris. It is one of the best transformations I have seen in recent TV/movies. He mingles with locals without knowing a word of what they talk about, visits art museums, shows interest in Rose's art classes, wears a hat and a scarf to look completely local, and spends time with Rose with great love. It was kinda strange to see him like that but it was all genuine, not once did I feel he was faking it.

So much so that they end up dancing on the river bank with 'Wonderful world' playing in the background, how crazy is that:)))) There is true love between them and Abe expresses it beautifully. And since then, he is super sensitive about her. The way he convinces her that Pris is not their home and gets her back to NY is awesome, it was not forced at all. He goes above his capability to enroll Rose in art classes at his university and when she screws up with a few students, he has her back without being annoyed. He also signs up for dance lessons as they were not good at dancing on the river bank :D. He was genuinely a changed man and the change was so beautiful.

And then when he returns, he is shocked to see his kids doing different things and were not open to him about it. He doesn't know how to react to his daughter going after the family in a standup gig, absolutely hilarious shit. He is bitter and hurt (almost childish about it) which shows he could be an emotional person also. The best was when he sees Midge on TV and has a smile on his face, It says he is turning it around for the kids also :)

This makes me think there is never too late to change and start living in the moment. If Abe was able to do it, anyone can. You just need to be sensitive to your surroundings, care for your loved ones, genuinely try to be there for them and prioritize yourself also. Of all the characters, I would not have picked up Abe for this but his transformation made him stand out. He still is irritable, quirky, and annoyed, but when the time came, he showed he cared and can be a loving person. What else do you need from a man!!!

PS: there are so many characters and relationships that are worth talking about in this series. I will definitely write as I explore them more.

And I spoke too early. I did not know he had a rebel past and his stint to get back to that by quitting his job :D I am going to add it here as it progresses.

Piece of Shit!!!!

 Yes, I want to talk about shit/poop, the actual one and not something I am comparing to. Yes, I want to talk about bowel movements and if you are disgusted then do not read ahead :))

For the last 3 weeks, I am vegetarian (or Eggetarian if there is something like that) thanks to the holy month of Shravana. Not that I am overly religious about it but have multiple reasons to turn veggie. Firstly meat is not prepared at home as mom wants to keep it away which means I will have to eat outside which is not great. My meat intake has gone through the roof in recent years to almost half of my weekly meals having non veg. Thanks to this my veggie intake have reduced drastically. So this is like a detox break of a month every year. And there are so many festivals, I end up not eating for most days anyways.

Now, you may ask how is it related to bowel movement (If you are still reading it :D). Thanks to being vegetarian my veggie and fruit intake is great. Like yesterday I had musk melon, papaya, guava, pineapple and apple on the same day along with sprouts with palak and nuggekai soppu (moringa which is like a superfood nowadays), curd rice, chapathi with moong, etc. I mean, this is like a pro athlete diet :) This has made my digestive system light and improved my bowel movement a lot. For someone who has struggled with digestion and burping issues for a long time, it is a huge relief. How has this helped me and what should you get out of this??

It has become so good and consistent (I am not talking about texture here :D) that it is my inside alaram. I have to get to the bathroom at 5.45am daily. The best part is that no matter what, I can't snooze it which means I am forced to get out of bed at 5.45am :)) Can you think of a better alarm, nope? And once I am out of bed, the morning plans work out well. Today I was up by 5.45 am, freshen up and was at the baddy court at 6.10, played till 7 and got home and ready by 7.15, had breakfast and dropped kid at school by 7.30, visited a friend on my way to the office at 8 to drop the bike and reached office at 8.25 am. Tell me who can manage this kinda schedule with ease, yes I am superman :D And out of bed at 5.45 am has become the norm for every day, including weekends. Days when I don't play baddy, I cuddle up or lie on the yoga mat pretending to stretch. Both are great TBH :)

I have been reading atomic habits which talks about having cues to make things a habit. Bowel movement is the best cue I have had for my morning plan. I wish I can have a few more like this for the rest of the day to make more rituals without thinking :D

So, please work on your piece of shit, it is worth it!!!

Lucky Shirt!

 This has been long coming, probably I was waiting for my lucky shirt to be washed but I am hanging on to it for longer :D 

Since I remember, I have always found some material lucky for me. I think it started with my Grandad's hero fountain pen. I used to love it but did not manage to use it for long (Ballpens were easy to maintain and use). I did hold on to it for long. 

Then PU college happened which was like a turning point for most of us. I don't know how I got my parker pen, but boy I loved it. So much so, that I wrote every note with it. It was my fav pen ever and I have written every exam from PU to Be using that. Trust me it was not practical to use it as I used to run out of ink in the middle of a test and I had to replace the cartridge. I still have it and relish it for memories. 

Until this, I did not have any inclination toward clothes. Mainly because I could not fit into any ready-made stuff and was holding on to the tailor-made simple shit. My first jean which was a 26-inch waist was when I joined engineering. It was very special as I bought it using the money I saved thanks to the government college fee. Along with it came a bata chappal with a back belt. That was actually when I went ape shit on this luck thing. I loved them so much that I made sure I preserved for all my exams for 4 yrs. It was almost into 2 pieces but managed to keep it going. I actually gave my interview for Oracle in those chappals (I actually did) and got through it. 

Since then I have had multiple things that I thought were lucky.

-The black sweatshirt with an eagle print was gifted to me by my best friend at work. I still have it even though I have not used it in 12 yrs. 

-The black jean jacket which I and my chaddi dost bought as a pair is still running well. So much so that I wore it over the weekend :)

-The brown Clarks shoes that I used for 8 yrs in UK. They were so comfy I used them for all my client travel. 

-the striped tee that I wore almost every day to the hospital when dad was unwell. It became my hospital shirt and I wore it for major decision days. It did wonders and dad came home after 60 days of ICU stay :)

-The UCB jeans which I have abused so much thanks to the comfy and the look.

My collection of sweatshirts that I used during cold winters in Liverpool. Thanks to my dry skin, I could not use artificial heating and the shirts were the savior. I had such a hard time giving them away when I was moving to Bangalore. This is after I had used them like mad for 6 yrs :)

-The maroon shirt reminds me of the best time spent with friends and is super lucky :)

-The pink sweatshirt that turned out to be super lucky multiple times, from cold nights in UK to morning chill in Bangalore, has kept me warm and made me feel loved. 

-The luck black suit that I used for major events (now also, even if the style is outdated). I recently wore it to Great Place to Work awards and look at the results (rank 1 in mid-size companies in India). You can argue that the survey was submitted months before and the ranking had nothing to do with the suit but I beg to differ :)

-the cross fountain pen I use for all signatures

-the flat wallet which is an all-time favorite, I'm not going back to the old-styled ones any soon :)

The list is endless, no wonder I hold on to them for long. Not changing sizes (what a showoff :D) has given me a reason to keep them even though I know the style is changed and will not wear them. I also end up wearing them multiple times which is how clothes have to be used. I don't get the point in wearing them just once as it is uncool to repeat them, how stupid is that!

Thinking about it now, probably they were comfortable and felt so good that it made me relaxed. That helped me become well-behaved/energetic or whatever worked out in my favor making them lucky. Or it made me look good which is not very difficult (you know me, cocky)!! Or it was a special day that made me cling to things. Or I was in a situation which went my way and the clothes became special. 

It might seem to be stupid and people might think it is bullshit. TBH, it is, as nothing might have changed if I wore something else.

You can call it being materialistic which is OK as it makes me feel good about myself. Whatever it is, it reminds me of good times with lovely people, and has helped me get through situations and feel special. If that is not luck, I don't know what is!!!

One moment!!

I was all set for a long drive to Coonoor with family for my cousin's housewarming ceremony. Thanks to the weekend traffic and the coordination between multiple people, it ended up being a tiring journey. The biggest saving grace was the fun conversations with cousins. We reached around 4 in the evening, kinda tired but the place just lifted me up. The scenery was heavenly and the clouds made it unreal. I had never seen a cloud being sucked up from above.

The evening that followed was awesome. Surprise from by best cousin was so overwhelming, I gave her a big hug and almost squeezed the life out of her kids. They are so cute and cuddly. The drinks were flowing thanks to the world's best bartender (aka me) who likes making people drunk 😆 The rain was lashing down making it slushy and cold. It just didn't matter as we were having a great time talking and laughing. Once the rain stopped and all had reached a good high, a pianist opens up the floor for some karaoke. And man that was crazy. Most of us besuras managed to entertain the lot with old Hindi songs. It was so much fun to remember the lyrics we cousins wrote down in the 90's listening to radio channels (those were the days of no internet but we found what we wanted by working together). I don't even remember eating anything, such was the atmosphere. Sitting around the fireplace with my cousins brought back old memories.

Thanks to my newfound routine of waking up early, I managed to get out for a walk (thanks for the encouragement). I wandered around the narrow lane which heads to the dolphin's nose viewpoint and walked for 3-4 kms between tea estates and houses with good gardens. The whole place felt great. When it was time, we got ready for the pooja. The typical Tamil breakfast of Pongal, masala idly, appam, etc was brilliant. The conversations from the previous night continued. After the pooja and lunch, I had my plans to drive. I got the keys to a stunning Harley and wanted to take it for a ride to a nearby dam. Unfortunately, the bike had other plans and stayed put without starting. With a heavy heart, I got back to the room to rest and get ready for the evening cocktail party. My spirit was high and had no signs of sleep, so I got out on the same lane for a walk which was so pleasant. The evening party was much soberer as most of them were recovering from the previous night's craziness. The accordion player was special and managed to play some old hindi/kannada/tamil classics. We wound up around 11 and headed back to the hotel.

I was dreading the next day but man it was worse than what I was expecting. 11 hrs of travel, cranky tired people, bad traffic, cramped in the last seat with people nauseating, and trying to catch sleep wasn't easy. The saving grace was singing in the car to avoid nausea. Lunch was mediocre and my appetite was lost by the time I got home. 

But one moment made the entire day and the trip worth it. I'm glad I walked to my cousin's house before leaving for Bangalore and meeting the family and also having a moment for myself. It was a good 4 km uphill hike on a well-maintained road that gives you great mountain views. The weather, the feel, the scenery, the conversation, the silence, everything was just perfect. That one moment when I sat on a rock staring at perfect tea mountains in the silence changed everything. Just felt special, like nature wanted me to feel that I guess, and keep it for the rest of my life.

All you need is one moment to make up for the whole day or even a lifetime. Glad I had one such incredible moment. Looking forward to many more that will make every day worth living!!!

Object Relationship!!!

 Ok, before everyone assumes, I'm not talking about objecting to any relationship :D

I was reading an interesting book that spoke about habits and how we can take cues from our environment to make a habit sustainable. One of the things the author mentions is to stop thinking about your environment as filled with objects and start thinking about it as filled with relationships. This is mainly to use them as cues to stack habits and make them stick. Example, keep the guitar in the middle of the room to pick it up when you enter, leave a book on the pillow when you make the bed for u to pick it up at night.

I was thinking a bit more literally and see if we can actually make it a beautiful experience. Like washing the utensils which is probably the most hated job at any house. Imagine you are giving a bath to your kid when they were small with a loofa and loads of bubbly soap. If you can relate that experience to dishwashing, you might actually enjoy that and even crave it once in a while. With kids growing up, it might remind you of the beautiful times of childhood. And for dirty dishes, it could be like cleaning their potty which I actually enjoyed 😂

Similarly, walking on the cross trainer could take me to the exhausting but most fulfilling trek of Kumara Parvata. The drained legs did not impact the spirit that was lit by the lightning and thunder. Running could remind me of playing cricket in Beagles. 

Reading could remind us of listening to stories from our grandparents. Imagine your grandad telling this story from his past travel experience 100 yrs ago.

Holding a guitar could be like your loved ones sitting on your lap and you are holding them tight 😍. And playing an instrument could remind you of your favorite songs. Even though it might sound horrible, for you it could be beautiful.

Isn't it a super way of looking at objects or chores and making it interesting and more fun? Our brain is a super tool and imagination can impact our lives very differently. As John Lenon said, Imagine:

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us, only sky
Imagine all the people
Livin' for today
Ah
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too
Imagine all the people
Livin' life in peace

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one 😇

Musical Journey!!!

I have spoken a lot about music and the biggest regret of my life is not learning to play any instrument or sing. Every time I have tried, I have given up way faster. 

I remember being super excited about it when kiddo was born and I had planned for music during the 4 months of alone time when my family was in India. I was so excited to learn the guitar, took classes at Liverpool university for 3 hrs a week, got a beautiful fender guitar, and got going. The few weeks were great but the motivation dwindled down soon and before I knew I had stopped practicing. Felt so gutted the guitar has been untouched for 9 yrs now.

Last few months I have thought a lot about my regret and have decided to do something about them. And music has been in my thoughts for long. I was inclined to buy a keyboard but then thought about how I will feel if I abandon it like before struck me. So instead thought about getting back to the Guitar couple of weeks back. Today I finally decided to do something about it and planned to get the broken string mended by my dear friend. Little did I know the music journey would have started in such a special way.

The morning was unreal 😇. And then humming my favorite song in that incredible environment was something else (no words to describe), couldn't have been better. 

Then met D to fix the guitar. He showed me the project he has been working on and it was mesmerizing and jaw-droppingly good. And the to-be project was very special like the icing on the cake, I cant wait for it. He was busy and could not have fixed the strings, but somehow the plans got canceled and he was made available for me. Felt like it was meant to be fixed today. He quickly changed the string, tuned it, and started playing my guitar. He was in love with the sound she made, I could see it in his face.

With my college bestie M helping me to train and promised to pester me (kick me in the balls) if I slag, I'm sure ill be able to do something about it. He already gave me 30 mins gyan on the physics and the structure of the guitar even though I knew it.

For years I wanted to learn music to play in front of others and probably impress them. When I saw H in his room playing 10+ instruments so well, I just could not understand why he did not want to be on stage or in a band. Today I get it. Music was for him, his soul, and no one else mattered. I want to learn music for myself now and to connect with my soul. Obviously, if I am good enough to play in front of others, I will do it. If not, I will try it for myself, I think I deserve that 😃

It felt like today had to be special to start my music journey. I hope I have the patience and the headspace to continue this journey till I can remember. So here I come my love 💓

Original Killer!!!

No, im not talking murder here, I am too scared of that shit. Referring to songs that took the original and made it their own and actually killed it.

I was listening to this version by Abhay of 'Aye Zindagi' one of the most iconic songs from an iconic movie. 

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=M5zx636jRe4&list=PLldtlwT0v34nASNXTKxqFVijyq2qev3rZ

I found it different and refreshing. Dont know if it was the tabla or the various instruments in the background or the vocals or something else. It felt nice and has a good vibe to it. The lyrics and the feel of the song was always great.

Then you have some of the remixes from the 90s that blew us away. The videos were sexy, the mood was different. 

I had the exact feeling when I heard version of jaan nisar. I can't go back to the original anymore. I tried the original today and found it so bland and emotionless. 

I have always be a originals fan but at times some gems come out which makes you think, why not. 

Some people have that talent to pick up something  embrace it and make it their own. Such original killers I must say!!!

Fish Sauce Panna cotta!!

 Now that I have your attention with the worst possible dessert, just hang on a min for me to complete :)

I was going through this podcast called Habit Coach which is interesting as it has bite-size content on some decent subjects. The latest one was about 'what if' which is not normally asked. We are too practical to write off things before we could give them a thought as it could be too stupid, too impractical, too difficult, etc. The example he gives is a panna cotta with fish sauce dressing which sounds pathetic but it was absolutely delicious. In the same exact way, there are many such scenarios that come to us where you could find different results just if you ask 'what if'. So, go ahead, ask yourself and make sure you go through all possibilities before you write these thoughts/ideas off your page. You might just be missing the most delicious dessert on the menu 😋

The link to the podcast is below if any of you want to hear about it.

https://youtu.be/9R1vn9oTHU4

PS: hearing this on the day I have been thinking of so many dreams and trying to brush them off is just not helping. Makes me think 'WHAT IF' 😂 Looks like life finds different ways to screw with your brains 😅 but mein haarega nahi 👹

Nature!

 Recently I was talking to someone about how I do not like perfect things, nature being the only exception. Nature has always played a balancing act and off late the impact of it is seen with global warming, floods, torrential rain, drought, etc.

The same goes for our lives. Nature puts us through some really challenging times and just when are overwhelmed with life, nature gives us hints of something good to keep us hopeful. Most times they are ignored but some of us hold on to them for longer.

We just need to look at those hints and keep going. If possible spread that positivity and hope it shines through the dark skies and brings in brightness to all.

Note: apparently the 13th July moon is special and called buck moon 😀 Can't imagine how we end up seeing this when no one is looking for it and makes the walk worthwhile. Helps you keep going and fighting for the future.

Anand!!!

 The only movie that I am able to think about since yesterday is Anand! Probably the greatest movie in Indian cinema directed by the great director Hrishikesh Mukharji (Hrisha Da) and with couple of great actors of our time made this movie a timeless classic. 

The character Anand is someone I have been inspired by a lot. He was chatty, bubbly and so full of life. He lived life at a supersonic pace and laughed like there was no tomorrow. Behind all that was an ailing cancer patient who was coming to terms with it and while he was at it, lived wholeheartedly. The friendships he made along the way and the relationships he built were something I wish for everyone. 

There were some heart-touching scenes of relationship and bonding it makes you cry. The way he asks Dara Singh to help a girl and comes up with the work MukkaLaat instead of mulakaat :) Like when his friend's wife calls him bhayya, Anand says 'Kya aashirwad du behen, yeh bhi to bol nahi sakta ki meri umar tumhe lag jaaye'. Or his super chemistry with Murarilal the theater director who then introduces Anand to Rajani Ben 'Ben hogi teri :D'. And the time when Murarilal visits Anand aka Jaychand home and finds out about his cancer 'Mein dua karta hoon ke mein yeh shart haar jaaun' (with tears in his eyes, there is something about funny people when they cry, it hits you the most). Anand's conversations with the nurse who he calls mummy were heart-touching.

But the best was his bond with Babumushoi. Two completely opposite characters come together as best friends. Even the irritating scolding was fun and showed the connection they had. Anand cared for Babumushoi in such a different way. They lived and laughed together and shared a special bond. The strongest words was when Anand says 'Mein har din maut dhekta hoon, tumhari aakhon mein'. Then he goes on to say 'Babumushoi, zindagi badi honi chahiye, lambi nahin. Jab tak zinda hoon tab tak mara nahi… Jab mar gaya sala main hi nahi. Hum aane waale gham ko kheench taan kar aaj ki khushi pe le aate hai… aur us khushi mein zehar ghol dete hai'. So true isn't it, we overthink all the wrong things and screw up the small happiness we can find today.

The ending scene was probably the strongest of any movie I have watched. The concerns Anand shows during this last few mins about Babumushoi hit me, that is what true friends do "Dost Babumushoi ko sambhal lo, who mere bina reh nahi sakta, who bahut kamzoor hai". And then asks for the recording  which starts with a hard-hitting poem :

"Maut tu ek kavita hai…

Mujhse ek kavita ka Vaada hai milegi mujhko…

Doobti nabzon mein jab dard ko neend aane lage…

Zard sa chehra liye chaand ufak tak pahunche…

Din abhi paani mein ho raat kinaare ke kareeb…

Na andhera, na ujala ho… Na abhi raat, na din…

Jism jab khatam ho aur rooh ko jab saans aaye…

Mujhse ek kavita ka vaada hai milegi mujhko"

As the poem ends, Anand leaves us all with silence and void. Babumushoi returns home and yells at him to talk, then:

"Babumushoi, zindagi aur maut upar waale ke haath hai…

Usse na toh aap badal sakte hai na main…

Hum sab to rangmanch ki kathputliyan hai jinki dor upar waale ki ungliyon mein bandhi hai.Kab, kaun, kaise uthega … Yeh koi nahin bata sakta hai, ha ha ha"

The laughter at the end says so much about life and how to live and also engulfs everyone with grief and sadness. Probably that is what some people can do to you, make you fight for life and when they leave, give you such positivity that you can carry on for long.

Sadly, that is what happened yesterday when a lively bubbly fighter named Neelam lost her battle with cancer and passed away. She was wifey's cousin who I visited last month in Pune and was inspired by the way she fought it (there is a blog named "Satisfied" I wrote last month). We couldnt even visit to play our respect as she went from being alive to ashes within 6 hrs (due to complications, they could not wait). Not once I thought she will pass away, such was her determination and positivity. She had no friends, no husband/kids, no extended family around...and took total charge of the situation with her mom. Her constant smile and sparkle in her eye never gave an impression of an ailing person. I thought she will make it through just by her determination and had her in my prayers for the last 1 year. I am not even able to think of anything else since yesterday, forget releasing her from my prayers. I so wished she will be around to tell her story of grit and determination to the world, but it was not the case (probably I will do it for her). There is a feeling creeping in that if God really exists and if yes, what has her mother deserved to lose her mother, husband, and daughter to cancer at a very young age. I just hope Neelam has influenced her mother enough to continue to live life.

Today being Guru Poornima, I want to take this as the biggest lesson from Neelam. Life is worth fighting for no matter how low the chances are ('Jab tak zinda hoon tab tak mara nahi… Jab mar gaya sala main hi nahi'). And while we are at it. live it to the fullest without any regrets. Things could change very quickly and we have to be ready for any challenge life throws at us. And do not lose hope as miracles do happen. Spread this positivity around, you don't know who might be in desperate need of it.

All I can say today is 'Thank you Neelam! for being in our lives, for being part of our journey, for showing us how to face death (even on the last day she said she was not in pain), for showing us to hope and fight, and for the never-fading smile'. Hope I will live life to the fullest and face death with the same positivity when my turn comes. 

I will cherish that smile forever and Neelam will live in our thoughts. As Hrishi Da rightly said 'Anand mara nahi, Anand marte nahi!!'

Shades of grey!!

 Ok, before anyone jumps to a conclusion, I am not going to talk about my sex life or fantasies ;). I am talking about grey hair and the so-called process of aging.

Thanks to my incredible genes, I have very less grey hair, so less that I don't even notice them. The narcissist in me only focuses on the really good parts :D.  OK, you already know the kinda person I am, self-praise is never too far away ;) But off late I have been pointed out a few times that I am greying and I should act like my age :) So much so that the one grey hair on the back of my head was also pointed out. I am sure me writing about might look like it bothers me :D, But it was the nicest way to show they notice things about me.

TBH, I kinda like the grey, it adds to the character (especially my beard, it looks cooler).  It helps me feel good in a weird way, like aging wine perhaps! I think more like a young person and most times behave like one, the grey reminds me that it is ok to be stupid even when you age. Whenever I am reminded of grey hair, my first reaction is I would rather have grey hair than lose it. That also kinda hints that I do care about looks. Given the crazy guy I am, If I had loads of grey hair, I would have probably colored it silver than the normal black/brown and have a really different hairstyle. I think the full silver look is kick-ass.

I don't want to comment on what others think, it is a personal choice. I have seen a few who completely own it and many who color it.  And there are some who have such a charm that you will not even notice it. 

Hair or no hair, black/grey/brown/etc does matter but most times, it is about how comfortable you are with them. If you think they are bad it will look ugly and if you flaunt them, it will look cool. In the end, after the initial looks, it is the character that matters. Most times you do not see beyond the genuine smile and sparkling eyes!!!

Cheers to greying, aging, living, and growing old with incredible memories!!!

Being Andy Dufresne!!!

I was typing something last week where the word 'Hole' was autocorrected to Hope which instantly brought a smile to my sulking face. This reminded me of the movie that has had a big impact on me, Shawahank Redemption!!! I must have watched it countless times and is one movie I will watch if it is on TV. There are so many characters that have had an impact on me. 

It could be the flamboyant Tommy who just couldn't read. How he managed to build the courage to take up his studies and do well. Then his ending sucked the hope out of me :(

Then there was Brooks who was institutionalized. So many of us are in our thought processes and beliefs. Like they say in Kannada, 'Appa haakida aalada mara antha nethaadtha eddivi' :) So much so that he could not survive outside alone. There is so much to think for us looking at Brooks. Imagine growing old and all our friends and family are not around, what will keep us going, what is the motivation to live, forget enjoying life?

Then there was Red, the only non-innocent person in the jail. He had committed a crime at a young age when he did not realize the consequences and is beating himself daily for it. So much so that he had lost all hope and said "Let me tell you something, my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane." But he somehow manages to follow his friend's words and come out of that fear. 

"Terrible thing, to live in fear. Brooks Hatlen knew it. Knew it all too well. All I want is to be back where things make sense. Where I won't have to be afraid all the time. Only one thing stops me. A promise I made to Andy."

That is what true friends can do, stick around when there is no hope and walk with them to find new grounds. Influence when nothing else works. Give a kick at the backside when there is no will to move. 

Then there was Andy Dufresne, the man who knows it all but is stuck for doing nothing. Imagine how he must have felt when his only ticket out, Tommy was killed. Anyone in his place would have killed a few and gone down or just given up on everything. But no, he showed patience and literally chipped away at it daily. It must have taken yrs to do it and keep going at it. Getting institutionalized would have been such an easy option, give up and get used to the norm. He always showed there was hope, like by doing the taxes for all and watching his friends bask in the sun with a beer or teaching Tommy or playing music on the speaker. He always spread hope in the toughest of situations. And then, his plan came together and he swam through shit to freedom. And man, the way he did it and what followed was awesome. He must have planned it every day and manifested it to happen without giving up. He made Red realize that things could get better. And the journey to Buxton, the tree, and the letter, made the entire movie worth watching again.

"Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies. I will be hoping that this letter finds you, and finds you well." 

Sometime we face situations that seem to be impossible to handle and give in. Andy helped us to see beyond it and dream of possibilities. TBH, in our life, we all go between being Red and Andy based on the situation and our way of handling it. We just need to keep going and balance it out. When you think you are Red find an Andy and if you think you are Andy, be that for others around you.

So, cheers to being Andy Dufresne (for yourself and others)!!! 

And while you are working it out, it is easy to feel like Red and get into a shell. Just dust yourself up and keep in touch with people who care no matter how far they are and find your Andy. Here is a good way "Listen, here's something we can do: we can look at the moon, sometimes - and, you know, it's the same moon everywhere - and we would be looking at the same thing together that way, you see?"

Bring a smile!!!

 Its been a week since when the world felt different. It all started when I open the balcony door on Marine Drive and the sea took over!

The GPTW awards were unreal, the excitement in office gang reassured me that the efforts were worth it, the morning walk filled my lungs, the singer on marine drive filled my heart with hope, the darshan at Siddhivinayak gave me faith, ferry to elephanta gave me some sleep (trust me I had given up on sleep), the weekend with friends not only got me out of self-doubt but also gave me incredible feeling of lightness and completeness (yes, im a oxymoron), the morning walks with wifey helped strengthening the connect, the conversations with friends gave genuine laughter and the evening chats with kiddo filled me with love and hope 😍

I couldn't have asked for a better week specially when the previous few months have been tough. I feel so humbled by the experience and thought I should show my gratitude by writing about it. And writing helps make it more concrete. So hoping for many more such weeks and the strength to face the ones which are not so good. Afterall life is what happens between those beautiful pics we take!!!

So here it goes, thank you to all who made this week incredible and especially to whoever is watching out for me (Im sure there is someone up there who is doing it, not sure what I did to deserve it 😉) and getting me out of difficult situations with such awesome days!!!

This has bought a genuine smile to my face and I hope it did the same to those who were around!!! Cheers!

End of an Era!!!

Today is a end of an era of a great leader at my workplace. I first met PM 3.5 yrs ago when I was sent to have a quick discussion with my mentor/leader from my previous company. After a 1.5 hr long interview, I was convinced that I wanted to work with PM. There was something in the way he spoke, it was precise and had care and an instant connection. I kept joking that it was probably the surnames that sound/spells ridiculously similar. The next time we met was Mar 2019 just after the takeover in a restaurant in UB city. The conversation was great and I was offered a job the next day.

By the time I joined in June, I had met the team a couple of times. I felt completely at home from day 1 as I knew most of the leaders and I was on the job. Within a couple of weeks, I traveled to meet the global leadership team in UK and Ireland. PM was there to guide me to meet the right people and have a consistent message.  I managed to grab a few drinks with him on the famous Dublin pub street. He was very unlike Irish, to start with he did not have more than 2 beers and he spoke a lot about his family and his journey through the decades of working. 

It was so good to listen to those stories. One of them was about how small the world is. He traveled to Australia and was sitting in a dinner after meeting a client when he got to talk to a guy who was 20 yrs younger. While they were chatting, he realized the boy was the son of his first manager in Ireland. What a small world!

Once I was back in India, I had to get involved into one of the worst projects of my life. Not because it was complex, but because the India team was blamed for the disaster. I was sent to UK for damage control and within a week I had realised the project was in very bad shape with nothing completed and we were in UAT. PM visited us at the client and asked me how it was going. After hesitating I told him it was not good and our team have no clue about it. PM calls the Program Head and says 'Gavin, Ravi here thinks your BB project will not work. We do not understand the client requirements. I want to close the project if that is the case. What do you say?'. I was so uncomfortable in that situation and you later told me how it was intentional to make me have difficult conversations. I have come a long way since then and able to have honest conversations with people even if it puts me on a spot or makes me vulnerable. Im getting real good at it and PM is one of the main reasons for this improvement 😆

PMs attention to detail was incredible. He would read every word of the presentation and ask me 100s of questions. He would get frustrated if it did not make sense or add up. Anything other than perfect was not acceptable. In a way he made me read everything and ensure I understood it properly. It was the training I went through to understand numbers, people, projects, etc. I am able to tell all the projects, people, and work that we do without even flinching now!!!

He is a people person all throughout and knew every employee's name. I was stunned and asked him how does he do it. He said he would take time to write down who he will meet the next day and remember the names, and soon it would become a natural habit. It was not some genius memory but hard work at play.  

He pushed us to look at the detail, helped us to navigate the new world and had our back if we failed. He was our biggest ambassador and critique. There are so many episodes I can talk about where he made me a better leader. When I got to know that he is leaving, I did not know how to process it as he was our bridge to V1. Then i realised he wanted something new after 11 yrs of grueling work which is fair enough. He has built a legacy for us to carry on. The GPTW rank 1 was a testimony of his hard work and belief in us. He always said we are the best team and we worked hard to prove him right.

I gave him the elephants and the wooden frame behind as a parting gift. He was gracious enough to find a place for them in his house. The frame had the words 'Thank you for being the matriarch and teaching us to find new waterholes, identifying danger, being together to fight the enemy. You will always be our mother elephant!!' Yes, that is what he was for me, a mother who gave us a difficult time to learn, nurtured us when we were hurt and let us fly in the open skies and saw us soar with success.

It is an end of an era in V1, a great leader is moving on and we wish him the best of the future. He deserves a good break to rejuvenate, do what he likes and pick up something new.

Thank you Mr Meany for everything and more!!!

PS: it is not the end of my conversations with PM, he was excited to accept my request to mentor me and guide me with his vast experience. Looking forward to the non-V1 perspective of PM!!! 

The below were my words to PM in his year book:

Hi Paddy,

 I am a bit emotional writing this note as it took me a while to digest you will not be around in Version1. I still remember the conversations I had with you before joining Version 1 and your passion for work. I don’t know if it was the matching surnames, I had a instant connect with you which has remained till date and will be there forever. I felt at home when I joined as I already knew you and Sri well.

 You were the bridge between India and rest of Version 1 which made us become a part of the culture very fast. We live and breathe Version 1 core values as we followed you though our journey. You have been a father figure since then showing us path to navigate the new system and guided us like a spiritual guru to achieve 200+ employees. You have made me thing multiple times about the structure, roadmap, hiring, etc to help me understand what could be a better approach.

 The conversation you had with BB project managers is something that will remain with me forever -'Gavin, Ravi here thinks your BB project will not work. We do not understand the client requirements. I want to close the project if that is the case. What do you say?'. I was so uncomfortable in that situation and you later told me how it was intentional to make me have difficult conversations. I have come a long way since then, SO much so that I could be the new Meany :D

You have had high expectations from me and pushed me to achieve my true potential (I have disappointed at time and have loads more to learn and with your guidance and Sri around, I am sure ill get close to it).

 I will always look up to you as a mentor, prepare for conversations(I was so impressed when you knew every person’s name in the room and asked your trade secret), learnt how to give attention to detail , set expectations, provide clarity and to have a connect with people. I can go on for pages but will keep it for our 1:1 sessions after you move out. As discussed, I will pick your brains now and again which will help me grow further. Im sure you will miss us, I still cant imagine how you will manage without talking to Sri and Jane (you have spent more time with them than your family in the recent past I guess). We are just a call away if you need to have a chat :D

 I do understand you might want a new gig, and I am sure you will be great at it. Your questions make people think about smaller points that could have an impact and help get them right. I wish you the very best for the future, hope you enjoy this well-deserved break and get to spend time with your loved ones.

 You will always be the Godfather of Version 1 India and a father figure to me!!!

 Regards,