Weird!

The last couple of days has been rough. Probably the quarter-end appraisal cycle, financial year-end, fatigue from the previous crazy week in the office, etc had created a weird feeling of tiredness. There is no energy and headspace to do anything. So much so, I returned home early yesterday and did nothing. Did not even have the mood to watch a movie or catch an episode of Crown on Netflix which is very unlike me. I have hardly done any exercise in the last month, every step seems to be an effort. The only saving grace is the almost daily visit to the office and going up and down the stairs. Some of the enthu people in the office were doing some dancing reels, I was a spoilsport and ran away from there. And the heat in Bangalore is just not helping. Sleep is gone with all the sweating even with the AC on. Even the beautiful blossom of flowers is not cheering me up. I just feel drained 😩

And to add to this, Im reading Lance Armstrong's autobiography which is not what I expected. It starts with how he fought cancer and what a superhuman he is. All the stories are about how tough he is and the way he fought in life (a bit too much TBH, probably coz we know his current story). Little did he know that he will be caught for doping later and be stripped of all his achievements.

Hopefully Ugadi, the new year brings some change and energy back into everyone's life. Bevu Bella should help us enjoy the kahi in life and look forward to the sihi even more 🙏

Yatrigan Kripya Dhyaan De!

"Yatrigan Kripya Dhyaan De" is normally the start of the announcement in Indian Railway stations which has a very nostalgic feeling to it. Sunday I traveled to Mysore on a train after a long time. Actually, I did travel with kiddo in Dec but that was unplanned and for fun. This trip on Sunday was business and we wanted to go by train. I was knackered with all the driving and late-night events in the office and did not have any energy to drive to Mysore. TBH, no one has the patience to drive to Mysore and return given the road construction and bumper-to-bumper traffic, it takes 4-6 hrs on the way back. 

We started from home at 5.30am and managed to park the bike in the station and catch a delayed 6 am train. It was more crowded than expected we did have enough seats to sit. We could not wait for the train to leave thanks to the stick of loo in the railway station, one thing I absolutely hate about the Indian railway system. We got to get better at it and make it cleaner for passengers. Once the train left the station, it was good. The weather was pleasant and after Kengeri, it caught speed. Early morning trains do not have to deal with the traffic and we did manage to reach Mysore by 8.30am which is pretty fast. There were not many food vendors which was a shame and we landed proper hungry.

The initial plan was to visit Mylari for an awesome breakfast but now that we reached 1 hr early, we thought of visiting Chamundi Hills (which is like a ritual for most of my visits to Mysore, it is one place I feel at home and peaceful). A 10 min auto drive got us to Mylari which was surprisingly free and we finished the usual benne dose and idly breakfast in 20 mins. 5 mins away was the bus stop and we got the bus to the hills through a beautiful road. Thanks to some government official visit we were held up in a queue (even if we went for the special darshan) but once we got moving we were out in 20 mins. The walk through the temple is divine, the cool breeze adds to it. We were back at the apartment in 30 mins and finish the discussion. Strangely we were done by 1 pm and were ready to return.

I did have a craving for some good mutton biryani. After coaxing a friend to join us for lunch, we queued up in RRR. The food was piping hot and awesome to taste. As usual, I ended up overeating but had no regrets, it was worth it. We were dropped at the station and got a good longer seat to put our feet up and relax. The train left at 3.15 and dropped us in Bangalore before 6pm. It was so relaxing I managed to read half of the book and caught a nap also. We did have many food vendors but thanks to the heavy lunch, there was no appetite. I still managed to visit Gullus and Chetty's corner for some chat, lassi, yummy bun gulkan before reaching home at 7 pm 😆

The whole day was so relaxing and we squeezed in so much without being rushed. Felt like someone was planning the perfect timing for us as we did not wait anywhere. The only downside was the heat which did make us feel drained but constant eating made up for it 😂 There was no way we could have done this if we drove (the traffic would have made me cranky and forget relaxing on the road as you have to be super attentive). This reminded me of all the long beautiful train journeys from the past, especially in the 90s to Delhi, Varanasi, Chandighar, etc. One of my most memorable journeys was to a place called Thalaguppa near Shimogga on a Bus train (a story for another day). Every station was different with changes in clothes, food, beverages, etc. And the people you meet, the food you eat, makes it even more special. I do not know if any other form of travel could have that impact. 

After the train experience, I tried my friend's powerful 310 cc BMW engine TVS bike yesterday. It was an awesome drive and you could feel the kind of power generated. I would have loved to have something like that 20 yrs back for my bike trips to Ooty or Munnar. Somehow that touch has gone and I was not able to enjoy the bike ride home and back to the office. I was scared to go over 60 (it is probably the age factor 😅) and the bike was underutilized. Looks like my biking days are over or speed bikes are not my thing anymore 😌

I just wish we all can take more time off and go on train journeys instead. The journey itself is so relaxed, it makes the entire trip fun and chilled. I would love to explore India on a train, it is the best way to travel and get a feel for the place you visit. Imagine North-East during the rains and you having a hot cup of masala tea on a slow-moving train, I think I will leave you with that image. May Peace be the journey 😇

Puneet (Rakesh, not just Rajkumar) Balaga!

 Today March 17th being Puneet Rajkumar's birthday, I saw 100s of hoarding of him on the street. For anyone who is not aware of him, he was one of the big movie stars in Karnataka and the youngest son of the biggest actor in the Kannada industry. His sudden demise last year due to cardiac arrest was a shock to most of us and became a talk of the town for months.

I'm not writing this blog to talk about how good an actor he was for 4 decades and how much his fans will miss him. TBH, I have not watched his single movie in a theatre. It is not about how fit he was and the death was unbelivable. His pictures today reminded me of what he stood for and what people remember him for, his Friendship!!!

After his death was announced, millions of fans came to see him and to show their love. Hundreds of close friends spoke about him and the charitable work he did. And almost everyone spoke of how good a friend he was. He would not wait for others to greet him, he would go straight to them and give them a proper hug. I have not met Puneet in person even though he used to often visit one of our neighbors during his school days. My dear friend Rakesh knew Puneet and told me how good he was with people. He would remember everyone and talk to them as though they were his best mates even if he had not met them for ages.

And his hug was also different, not the normal when one arm goes on the shoulder and the other on ur back around the waist. His arms were around ur waist holding your back and his head around ur chest, as though he was listening to your heartbeat. This is normally how you hold your loved ones, around their waist and close to you 💗 He always had a big smile, had a connection with his audience, and spoke like a young person. Probably being the youngest of the most famous family in Karnataka made people look at him as a kid. I was amazed at the number of friends he had made outside Karnataka and the way they reacted when he left. Such traits are not commonly visible in rich kids due to the way others look at them. Puneet somehow managed to break out of this and be grounded throughout.

This takes me to how he was seen by a few and rumors about him being involved in some cases. Not many praised him for his work and 'humbility' when he was alive and everything came in when he was gone. It was overwhelming to see and my eyes managed to get moist with emotion (which is not easy for me, that's another story for another day). I wonder why none of this was visible while he was alive. Why dint these people talk about him so passionately when he was around? Probably that is human nature, we talk good about a person after they are dead.

I do not want to make that mistake. I will make sure I let my friends know how I feel about them and how important they are to me. And one of them is Rakesh, who told me about Puneet. My oldest buddy from kindergarten remains one of my closest to date (even though we had lost contact for 25yrs in between). Rakesh goes over the limits to take care of his friends, so much so that I end up shouting at him to give some importance to family. I do tell everyone that the only reason that I joined my primary school gang was to spend time with Rakesh. That school gang has grown on me to become some of my best buddies which was a big bonus and totally unexpected.

There are many such people I love being with and miss dearly. Let it be my high school gang, UVCE brothers, Oracle gang, UK buddies, cousins (who are my best friends) etc. I have tried hard to be relevant in their lives and will continue to do so. With the hope, they remember me even after I'm gone!!!

I wanted to write this after I watch his last movie with my friends and family. Emotions took over and could not let go of the thoughts that hit me watching his pictures on the street today 😓

Puneet will live long in people's heart, not for his movies but for his friendship 💖

Trust!

How do you trust people??? You give your best to engage, connect and go out of the way but it still doesn't stop people from moving on. Even though this thought came up from the current 'Great Resignation Era', I am also thinking from a personal viewpoint. 

The more I think, the more frustrated I get. For example, I have traveled more than a thousand kilometers to meet people and build that rapport. Some of them decided to leave once they got something better and let me know after everything was decided. Just like an FYI! I was annoyed, frustrated, and TBH disappointed in myself. It is the same at the personal end where you go way over your norms to be there, help, spend time, and do not receive much in return. Was the travel worth it, were the people worth it?? How do you trust people, how do you decide who deserves your time? Who actually has your back and who is just taking advantage.

TBH, I do not think I will ever get to know that. If you think about it, I traveled to engage with them and they reciprocated by giving their best at work. They worked wholeheartedly and must have given their 100%. When they got something that suits them better, they moved on. Fair enough isn't it, no hard feelings!

I wish it was as simple with personal relations as there is not much concrete to give or take. Most of it is just time and thoughts that cant be measured easily. I have tried my best to reach out to people, kept ego aside and in most cases have been the first to patch things up, and where I can't, thought about them wholeheartedly. I have missed people I care for more than it is visible, hurt myself more just thinking about it. Strangely, I remember them a lot, even the ones who are no more 😔

This also makes me think of situations where I'm on the receiving end (which is an advantageous one in this conversation). Being an only kid I have always received from my parents and had very less thoughts about giving. Being the apple pie of the family, I have been taking advantage all my life (especially of my parents, wifey, immediate family, and many of my close friends). So much so, I have been a pain to most of my closest friends (I wonder why they chose to go through or still going through that pain). I'm sure there are many who must have gone "is he worth the effort"? Trust me, it was and still is, just hang in there. I'm here coz of that effort, somewhere you have made a difference. I might not say it loud or even be around, but I'll always keep you in my thoughts. Thank you for making me want to be a better man!!!

All we can do is put in the effort and leave the results to destiny. Give your 100% and not expect anything in return (easier said than done). The pleasure of doing good is well worth it. You learn, grow, and somewhere hope the receiver have/had you in their good thoughts 👐

Perils of Self-betterment!

 I am a big Game of Thrones fan. The grandeur of the series, the massive sets, thousands of actors, and best of all, ever-changing characters. So much so, that I bought all the books to read them in detail and visualize them from the writer's point of view. Thanks to my laziness (or tendency to sleep after 10 pages) and eagerness, I ended up watching the whole series again. This was during my 'covid' recovery phase and I immersed myself into the characters and almost lived their life in my imagination. 

Watching it again made me look at characters in a very different way. Almost every character changed over a period of time and you could see how and why. This made me realize nothing is constant, life gets to everyone for good or bad. So many characters intrigued me and a couple of them just made me fall in love with them.

Cersei grew from a protecting mother who could do anything for her kids and power to a self-loving (dont care about the world) kinda person. Even though I could not relate much to her, I was amazed by the way she thought and nothing fazed her. She would hit back harder and become stronger by the day.

Jamie on the other hand (pun intended 💪) was portrayed as a cruel 'king slayer' who pushes a kid from a tower (things that people do for love) unfolded into a caring person who was torn between what is right and his love for Cersei. Even the story behind him killing the king made sense. I loved the chemistry with Brienne of Tarth. What started with hatred moved to respect and love. There are so many layers to a person which does not come out that easily.

Sansa went from an innocent girl with a dream of being the queen to actually understanding what it takes to be one. She was ready to go all the way to get it (circumstances helped or rather dint leave another choice). 

Arya was one of my favs - a rebel who wanted to become a fighter, who hated the princess life. Her journey from watching her father beheaded to the faceless person was incredible. Her way of remembering her list of people to kill was impactful. I was super happy that she got to become the 'hero'ine she deserves to be.

John Snow was probably one of the few characters that remained consistent throughout the series. He followed his heart, stood by the right thing, gave his life for it, and killed his love (literally, that too twice) for it. The frustration he goes through to choose between what is right and what he loves was interesting to watch.

Brienne of Tarth was a lovely character who was true to her thoughts, fought for them, and kept her word all throughout. Her journey with Jamie and the scene of her being knighted by Jamie was moving.

Dany Targaryen was awesome until the end which I wished was different. But thinking again, it was the right message. Someone who went from being sold by her brother to leading one of the biggest armies. Her thoughts of freeing the slaves, making the world free of masters were great (almost unthinkable even in today's times). This was then turned into fanatism which went on to destroy the only place she wanted to conquer and eventually turned her love to kill her. It doesn't take much to go from a hero to villain 😓 I wish she had read 'Think Again' back then 😅

The character I related to the most was Tyrion. Self-centered, drunk, whore monger to probably the most evolved over time. He became the most trustable and someone who tried to do the right and managed to survive. He grew with every situation, tried to use his knowledge to become a leader/advisor, trusted people, and failed, but in the end, survived. 

There are so many more that I will keep adding as I look at them from my point of view and grow with them. Learn from my situation, my thoughts and hopefully be able to see beyond my ways of imagination.

As Tyrion said, Cheers to the Perils of Self-betterment!!

Never say Busy!!

 One thing I have realized recently is that you should never say you are busy. Looks like the world around you tries to take the Micky out of you and give you truckloads of work. 

I have been busy with office and personal work for the last 3-4 months and was cutting on all activities to get things done. Hiring has been mad for some time thanks to the great resignation era. Almost everyone is moving and having 4 offers as though it is a competition. Just when it was getting under control (from 50s to the teens), last week happened. Out of nowhere 15 new roles to hire and a high possibility of 30 more to be added this week. So basically what I hired for 6 months last year, I have to do it in 1 month in today's market 😲 Thanks to this, I have 5+ interviews a day to access the candidates and also sell them the role. At this rate, we will double this year which will be a great achievement.

As if this was not enough, planning the biggest employee gathering in March since I started in this organization. Almost 100+ people and a few leaders from onshore landed in March for collaboration and work. Also, a marketing event to kick-off for the next year to improve the branding which requires constant writing, webinars, leadership talks, etc. And the usual employee engagement, attrition, sickness, career planning, etc. I do not know how ill squeeze my career planning in between these things and find the energy to progress 😅

And, kiddo's exams to help with. TBH, I'm doing jackshit there but will need some focus for a couple of weeks. And the thousand other personal things I have not even bothered to look into.

Looks like the financial year-end will be very interesting with all the work piling up. Cheers to some crazy days and hopefully not many all-nighters (I'm sure ill end up interviewing if the candidates are ready).

So basically I will stop telling im busy and pretend to be free which might make me even freer. So whoever is up there, do something about it or at least give me some fuckin referrals to hire!!!

Life Review!

 After almost 3 years, I met my brothers from my mothers (they treated me as their own son or even better at times, love them for that 💗) from my UVCE gang. Thanks to Kathe visiting after 4 yrs, the usual suspects Murgi, Pari, me were there and Lambu was a nice addition. Even though the rest of us are in Bangalore, thanks to Covid we had not met (except Pari, we have out CTR/Chandus outings quite often). 

It is so strange that we don't even take a minute to settle in and just felt it was like college days hanging out in church street. We spoke about everything that is happening in our life with the same old banter. And needless to say, the biggest topic always ends up being porn 😂 Back in those days, we were pioneers in downloading and almost had a godly stature in college as the 'Suppliers' 😬 Im sure all of us have our old CDs/hard drives (yes, we used to exchange hard drives back then for the huge collection) stashed away somewhere in a 'solar cooker' (why solar cooker is another story 😆). 

This is one gang I do not have to think about before I talk. I can say anything and it will be taken in the right spirit. Weather is the worst of the gaali's or the most below-the-belt comment. It is always taken as fun and returned back with interest. 5hrs flew and we were just getting started. Just wandering on the street with my hand over murgi's shoulder felt so good (TBH if we were gay, we would have been married by now 👬). No wonder we are like brothers and aunty treats me as one of her own. Murgi was so close to me back then, he had asked Jaya to take my permission to get married to him and told horrid stories of how bad a person I was (which were all true) 😁

We all have grown since we first met 23 yrs back but the innocence and bonding remain to date. Murgi especially has gone from being a super ambitious sales guy to a chilled-out, life enjoying bloke who sees happiness in smaller things now. His health issues during the hectic days have made him realize how important life is and nothing can compensate for that. One thing he asked us in the end really struck me and made me think. "Macha, they say just before death, a person sees his entire life as a flashback. What if we are not meeting now and this is kind of a flashback??". As usual, kathe did not understand the question even after murgi explained how there is high brain activity just after death and etc. Imagine, we had met after so long, what if it was a dream before I die?? It was too deep even for Murgi's standards but made us ponder over 😄 

I did think what if it was my last few secs, how does my life flashback look? I couldn't conclude but I definitely wasn't scared. Which could mean, I have led a decent life and do not fear the thought of death. Definitely, I saw more regrets than mistakes/failures, which meant I had not tried things with the fear of failure or never given it a serious thought. There was a sudden rush of emotions for all the people who had an impact on me. A huge hug to the loved ones who have been there with me and in my thoughts 🙌. I definitely prayed for them to lead a joyful life. All this happened within mins and I was back to the conversation alive and kicking.

Murgi also spoke about how much we might need to retire. TBH, I don't think anyone can define that in general as nothing is enough or whatever we have is already more. It is a choice people have to make and ensure they do not run behind money and straight to a grave.

We need to realize life is short and unexpected. Things can change in secs and we have to make to most of what we have. Just another reminder to live life fully and enjoy it while it lasts. If you have doubts, just ask "Macha, they say just before death, a person sees his entire life as a flashback. What if you are having this flashback now. How does it look??"