Communication or the lack of it!

 I had a few incidents this week that has shaken me up thanks to the communication or the lack of it! 

One of my very close colleague was low on energy due to a personal situation and I wanted to step in to help out and give them the space to recover well. I boldly put my hand up to sort the issues and get it streamlined. As this person is new, I have done that a couple of times to reduce the stress and let them settle in. Later yesterday I had a discussion with my colleague who literally broke down on the call. I had no idea what was happening and the initial thought was the personal situation/work pressure that has created the stress. Me trying to be a hero said I will sort things out at work and no need for anyone to stress. The person broke down more and said something that was a shock. The person said 'The problem is You!!! Every time I have an issue, you put your hand up to solve it. I start doubting my abilities and think I am not the right person for the role and you do not have trust in me. It makes me feel inferior and not wanted. I can take failure and someone pinpointing the mistakes. What I can't take is you doubting my capability and experience". I just dint know how to respond, all I was doing was helping, and never in a million years I could have guessed, it could be interpreted in this way. Luckily, I have built a rapport with people and this person trusted me. I used to spend hours every day talking about work progress and not once I felt there was a problem. Everyone at work knows that I have their best interest in mind which confused this person even more. After a long discussion, I realized my style of work was different which gave mixed messages. I was trying to shield and take up the responsibility of failure which came across as questioning the other person's capability (inadequate to deal with the situation). We have now agreed on a way forward and spend time changing the style of working until we find common ground. I was glad the person bought it up and we were able to sort things out.

This incident makes me think about what happens when you do not talk about issues much. The lack of communication could make things worse and kill the relationship. I always thought I'm an open book and I was very clear in my comms. Recent incidents have given a completely different story and looks like there are loads to work on (especially on looking from another persons' perspective). I just hope it does not take too long as I could end up hurting people I care for and making them feel bad without my knowledge.

I wish I had telepathy to say what is in my mind which is not very easy in a few situations. An easy way out could be me doing tapasya to gain 'Telepathy'😇